Comfort Based Decisions Are More Painful
Comfort based decisions are those moments when you choose what is easier or more indulgent rather than finish what you set out to accomplish. Here’s the thing about comfort based decisions…they’re only worthwhile if you engage in them occasionally; otherwise your bar will be lowered and before you know it mental toughness is only a term you use to make others feel bad about themselves or impose authority even though you’re lacking in it yourself.
We are struggle machines. If we don’t choose our challenges they will choose us. Wouldn’t you rather be the one reveling in the challenge you overcame to build your business or get in shape than the one who’s biggest struggle was choosing what to watch on Netflix?
It’s your choice, but here’s three lessons from three very different places to help you decide what your next struggle will be.
Netflix or Challenge Yourself
Philosophers are on Instagram these days. Modern words of wisdom are printed on t-shirts that show up in the right side column of sketchy blog sites. If you want to know what threads of insight run throughout the current societal zeitgeist you need only look in these spots.
Sadly, it seems that Netflix and Chill is what we stand for these days. What started as a meme for a low key date night is now a mantra that many people live by. It’s become the goal.
The issue isn’t Netflix though, it’s the grasp we let it have on us. We’re led to believe that if we make it through a particularly hairy plot-line then we too made it through the simulated life-threatening danger that the main character narrowly escaped from.
Challenge, in fact, is right outside our windows, we need only search for it.
Roughly 2,090 years ago, the now famous, stoics were walking around ancient Rome looking for a challenge. Trying to build themselves up and become better versions of themselves.
Epicurus sums it up nicely here:
“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”
The next time it’s raining hard, go for a jog. Run long enough to be chilled to the bone and soaked to the point of water shooting out of your shoes with every stride. When you get home take a steaming hot shower. Just notice how much better that water feels when you “earned” it.
The new saying should be: Earn your Netflix and Chill.
Wallowing or Living?
You stubbed your toe, your milk spoiled, you were passed over for promotion, your last post didn’t do so great…In each and every one of these moments we have the choice to wallow or live.
Ram Dass, a modern spiritual teacher, tells his story about going to India for the first time and following his first teacher on pilgrimage:
“Now, I’m suddenly barefoot. He has said, “You’re not going to wear shoes, are you?” That sort of thing. And I’ve got a shoulder bag and my dhoti and blisters on my feet and dysentery, the likes of which you can’t imagine, and all he says is, “Well, fast for a few days.” He’s very compassionate, but no pity. And we’re sleeping on the ground, or on these wooden tables that you get when you stop at monasteries, and my hip bones ache. I go through an extraordinary physical breakdown, become very childlike and he takes care of me.”
Faced with the decision he was always reminded to not wallow in the past or project fears into the future but instead to deal with his problems as they come up without wishing for them to be different.
Your locus of control is limited, you can’t control whether your feet blister, or if you get dysentery, or if your mattress isn’t comfortable enough in many situations.
If you can’t change it, don’t sweat it. It’s the way it’s gotta be.
If you can change it, then do so and move on as well.
Life can really be that simple.
Approach your next major malfunction in this light. If you can do something about it then do it. If you can’t… well, isn’t there something better you could be using the tools of your mind and body for?
Regressing to your mean
Having a plan cures much of what ails us. The version of yourself that develops a plan isn’t the same version of yourself that executes a plan. When you devise a plan you weigh all the factors of what could go wrong, what might limit you, and what your overall intent is.
Now, there are three versions of people out there:
- Those that never deviate from a plan
- Those that always deviate from a plan
- Those that use the discretion they have to deviate if necessary.
One version of human pushes until they burn out or permanently break something. One version ends up on the couch watching Netflix, again, in a matter of days or weeks. The final version found the path that leads to consistency of progress indefinitely.
The Marine Corps has their famous saying:
“Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
… But, only in a properly dosed fashion.
The only way you can get better is by doing the things you know you should do when you don’t feel like it. Over time you’ll learn where your limit is.
Continuously push that limit.
Learn how much pain you can handle, learn when you’re in surf that is much too big for you, learn what types of injuries will heal and which won’t, learn how to overcome small adversities intentionally so you can easily overcome unintentional adversities.
Otherwise, you’ll become the version of yourself that isn’t quite as sharp, fit, or capable as you were just yesterday.
Choose Difficulty
Life is hard.
It’s made harder when we choose to be softer.
It becomes easier when you choose challenges that will make you grow, when you choose to continue down your path instead of wallow, and when you take the time to learn the difference between fruitful and detrimental pain.
Remember, if every decision you make is in an attempt to avoid suffering and seek pleasure…well, that cake is going to stop tasting so sweet eventually. Comfort based decisions are only satisfactory if you’ve been through some shit to earn them whether that be a long work week, starting a company, writing a book, getting in the gym, or improving a difficult relationship.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
